Clues that there's more to your anger

anger man tips

Clues that there's more to your anger than meets the eye

"You have a hard time compromising."
Is it hard for you to understand other people’s points of view, and even harder to concede a point?
If you grew up in a family where anger was out of control, you may remember how the angry person got his or her way by being the loudest and most demanding. Compromising might bring up scary feelings of failure and vulnerability.

"You have trouble expressing emotions other than anger."
Do you pride yourself on being tough and in control?
Do you feel that emotions like fear, guilt, or shame don’t apply to you?
Everyone has those emotions so you may be using anger as a cover for them.

"You view different opinions as a personal challenge."
Do you believe that your way is always right and get angry when others disagree?
If you have a strong need to be in control or a fragile ego, you may interpret other perspectives as a challenge to your authority, rather than simply a different way of looking at things.

Reconnect with your emotions to manage anger

If you are uncomfortable with different emotions, disconnected, or stuck on an angry one-note response to situations, it’s important to be able to understand these feelings.

HelpGuide’s Emotional Intelligence Toolkit can help you recognize and unravel your full range of emotions, even the painful ones you may have been covering up with anger.

Myths and facts about anger

Myth: I shouldn’t 'hold in' my anger. It’s healthy to vent and let it out.

Fact: While it’s true that suppressing and ignoring anger is unhealthy, venting is no better. Anger is not something you have to 'let out' in an aggressive way in order to avoid blowing up. In fact, outbursts and tirades only fuel the fire and reinforce your anger problem.

Myth: Anger, aggression, and intimidation help me earn respect and get what I want.

Fact: Respect doesn’t come from bullying others. People may be afraid of you, but they won’t respect you if you can’t control yourself or handle opposing viewpoints. Others will be more willing to listen to you and accommodate your needs if you communicate in a respectful way.

Myth: I can’t help myself. Anger isn’t something you can control.

Fact: You can’t always control the situation you’re in or how it makes you feel, but you can control how you express your anger. And you can express your anger without being verbally or physically abusive. Even if someone is pushing your buttons, you always have a choice about how to respond.